Lately, I find myself going through a whirlwind of emotions. If you do not know me you should know I am a crier and I say I hate crying in front of people to judge myself before they get a chance. Truth is I do not mind crying in front of people. Recently a person who is sleeping on me **hair flip (words from my friend Shanelle), told me “cry all you want.” I am sure my former counselor has stated this, friends have stated this, and it just now clicked! go figure.
I am in my first year of professional life. I do not subscribe to the “entering the real world” rhetoric because if you have had a life like mine you have faced the real world for quite some time. To paint a quick picture in your mind I had no chance to be a kid. For a long time I have boarded a train that finally had its first stop.
If you are in your first year of professional life you may be questioning everything right now or everything could be your definition of perfect, and in that case I drink to that. My glass of wine is right beside me. I am here to tell you that you are not alone. For a few months now I held in that I was questioning everything until recently. Sure I have told snippets here and there, but I am supposed to have it all figured out right? wrong. I am only 25, young and awesome.
I am thankful and blessed to know that people look up to me and the pressure is two fold. It never hit me until now. I constantly heard “be like Kimberlee” among other things.
What the fuck do I want to do with my life? (excuse my cussing I cannot say it wont happen again). I am stuck between where I think I want to be right now and where I always thought I wanted to be. I should also mention I am a futuristic thinker until recently because idk what the next step is.
I realized it is okay if I do not know what the next step is. I will find out when I get there. My friends are probably saying it is going to snow tomorrow based on the last two sentences. PATIENCE, a promise I made to myself is to have more patience with myself and others. I am starting to realize I needed wayyyyyy more patience with myself. So here I am beginning even if I do not know where to start. You may have read some of my other post on another blog I had…
The difference is I am getting back to something I enjoy and that is writing. I would write here and there. I write poetry as well and I wrote more last year than I have my whole life. For awhile it was hard to write about anything but pain. A few years ago if you asked me if I wanted to be a writer I would say no and that was due to my lack of confidence, but hey the English language can jump off a mountain. This shit is hard.
So just as I encourage myself to get back to the things I enjoy I challenge you to take the first step. You may not know what it is but begin even if you find yourself in the “middle” if that makes sense.
Lastly, my hope is that you as a reader engage with me on my journey and feel free to share your journey. I always love to be people’s cheerleader.
Peace and Love