Song: Easier x Mansionair
Today I am going to be vulnerable with you. Vulnerability allows me to connect on a deeper level with you and the universe. Parts of this I need to be out there. For those of you that are not aware I have dealt with depression for awhile now. For the lack of a better explanation it comes and goes and I say that because it is not as easy as that explanation sounds.
It has torn me apart at times when I just wanted to escape. If you are wondering I have thought about killing myself. I am tearing up as I say this. During those times I am not really sure what keeps me here or going.
One thing I am beyond grateful for are the people in my life that are still right by my side. Being an introvert who deals with depression is challenging too because sometimes someone will ask if you are depressed or ask whats wrong and you are perfectly fine and want them to go away. Just to be alone and have peace.
Anyway, if you have been in a battle with depression I commend you for getting out of bed today. Do not let anyone bring you down for just getting out of bed. For those beautiful souls who completed suicide I stand by you. People will judge and people will wonder why. Know that depression is not a “just get over it” situation. Support those who you know are in the same battle even if they do not show it they will appreciate it.
Below is one poem I wrote at a time I was fighting depression.
Trapped, like the man behind bars for a crime he did not commit
Her mind is racing in a room full of people
Who does she turn to?
The darkness is felt in her chest running through her veins as she coughs to catch a breath
Is her heart beating?
Wandering aimlessly in a dark hole she searches for the light
The walls close in, her chest gets tighter, the bars appear, she is alone
She relates with where she is at, but she wants happiness
No more crying, no more pain, no more anger
Just pure happiness
All alone seeking answers how does she create happiness
Never truly attainable she things about the time she cut her writst
Not too deep, but just enough to feel again
Enough to remember the sensation to never do it again
Is her heart beating?